I started this blog back in January 2016. Something had shifted inside of me. I was done with hiding, self pity, shame & feeling unworthy. Unworthy for those around me and in general….the world. At the time I was 33, in my fifteenth year of marriage with 5 children (one in heaven). Adjusting to life on the outside of the strict religious organisation I’d been raised in. I was desperate to change my life.
Spending thirty odd years being told to “hope & pray” that all of our reading, praying & attending would get us through those pearly gates. Following rules set out by the organisation that I was desperate to please & be accepted by. Never putting a foot out of line yet still I never felt that I was good enough. Desperate to change my life, looking for a life that didn’t involve people pleasing and paranoia.
Anyway back to my original story. I started this blog after a life overhaul to I guess, process all that was ‘inmelsmind’ (see what I did there). I wrote one blog & when it came to renewing my subscription I decided to close it down. Cause you know, I wasn’t enough. So I spent the last few years waiting to become “enough”. In other words waiting for internal & external circumstances to change. Like there was some sort of checklist that I couldn’t quite master. Obviously I had to have a hot bod, a fancy car, a fabulous house and only wear the latest fashion. Also a degree of some sort so I could share my wealth of knowledge with the world.
And now – change your life
So here I am! With my not tight bod, my banged up mini van cause you know, kids and “driving by feel”. My half renovated house that is too small for the 6 of us. Oh & my Target brand jeans because my bank account can’t support designer jeans at the rate my “not thigh gap” continues to rub together & make holes in my pants.
As far as the degree goes well I’m half way through completing one titled “Life” so there’s that. I have a few things to share that some could relate to. You see life is not black and white. It’s all the colours you can see and even some you can’t. Just as the trees change colour according to the season, so do our lives. It’s all beautiful in its own way, just never same as the season before or the one to come.